The Silent Struggle: How Suffering in Indian Families Has Been Normalised

1. Cultural Conditioning: The Foundation of Suffering

From childhood, Indians are taught that family is everything. While strong familial ties can be a source of love and security, they often come at the cost of individual autonomy. Obedience is glorified, personal happiness is secondary, and questioning authority is frowned upon.

• Parents’ Control Over Children: Parents dictate children's education, career, marriage, and even personal beliefs, expecting absolute compliance. Disagreeing is seen as disrespectful.

• The Sacrificial Role of Women: Women are expected to prioritise family over their personal dreams, endure suffering in silence, and conform to patriarchal expectations.

• Men and the Burden of Strength: Men are pressured to be ‘strong providers,’ suppress emotions, and maintain control over their households, often leading to aggression or emotional detachment.

This conditioning ensures that suffering is not just tolerated but expected.

2. Fear of Social Judgement: Why People Don’t Speak Out

In India, raising concerns about family issues is often seen as a betrayal of cultural values. People suffer silently due to the fear of being judged, labelled as ungrateful, or shaming their family.

• Wives Enduring Abuse: A woman suffering verbal, emotional, or even physical abuse is advised to ‘adjust’ rather than seek help.

• Children Silenced by Authority: Even when parents are toxic or abusive, children are expected to respect and obey them, as parental authority is unquestionable.

• Men Struggling in Silence: Men facing mental health issues, financial pressure, or abusive marriages often suppress their struggles to avoid being seen as weak.

The lack of safe spaces for open conversations perpetuates the cycle of silent suffering.

3. Normalisation of Toxic Behaviour in Families

Many forms of unhealthy family behaviour are so common that they are not even recognised as harmful.

• Domestic Violence: Physical and emotional abuse within families is dismissed as ‘family matters,’ unless it escalates to extreme violence.

• Verbal and Emotional Abuse: Constant criticism, belittling, and manipulation are ignored, with phrases like "This is how parents show love."

• Gender Inequality in Decision-Making: Women and children are rarely given a say in important family matters, reinforcing power imbalances.

When these behaviours are passed down through generations, suffering becomes the norm rather than the exception.

4. Economic Dependence and Lack of Support Systems

One major reason people endure suffering in families is the lack of financial and social independence.

• Women Trapped in Toxic Marriages: Many women remain in abusive marriages because they are financially dependent on their husbands, with no support system to fall back on.

• Young Adults Stuck in Controlling Households: Many are unable to leave toxic family environments due to financial constraints, societal expectations, or fear of disownment.

• Lack of Mental Health Awareness: Emotional suffering is often dismissed, with people being told to ‘toughen up’ instead of seeking help.

The absence of financial security and emotional support makes breaking free difficult.

5. Historical and Psychological Roots of Mass Suffering in India

The deeply ingrained suffering in Indian families has historical and psychological origins that have contributed to its persistence.

Historical Aspects:

• Colonial Legacy: British colonial rule reinforced authoritarian structures, where obedience and control were key to survival. Generations of Indians learned to suppress emotions and accept hardship as a way of life.

• Caste System and Social Hierarchies: Centuries of rigid caste-based oppression conditioned people to accept suffering as their fate, with lower-caste individuals bearing the brunt of systemic discrimination.

• Patriarchy and Gender Roles: Ancient traditions placed men in dominant roles, creating a society where women’s suffering was seen as ‘normal’ and even virtuous.

• Religious and Cultural Justifications: Many customs and religious interpretations glorify suffering as a path to salvation, reinforcing endurance over resistance.

Psychological Aspects:

• Intergenerational Trauma: Families pass down trauma through generations, making toxic behaviour seem ‘normal.’

• Learned Helplessness: Over time, people believe they have no control over their suffering and simply accept it.

• Cognitive Dissonance: Many justify their suffering by convincing themselves that ‘it’s not that bad’ or ‘others have it worse.’

6. Mass Suffering: How It Affects Indian Society

When suffering is normalised at a mass level, it has far-reaching consequences:

• Declining Mental Health: India has one of the highest rates of depression and suicide, yet mental health awareness remains low.

• Stagnation in Personal Growth: People are discouraged from pursuing their passions, leading to dissatisfaction and unfulfilled lives.

• Toxic Family Dynamics Repeating: Without intervention, the same cycles continue in future generations.

• Reduced Innovation & Productivity: Fear and control limit creative thinking and economic progress.

• High Divorce & Unhappy Marriages: Many marriages are held together by pressure rather than love, resulting in lifelong dissatisfaction.

7. Lessons from Healthier Societies

While no society is perfect, developed nations offer key insights on fostering healthier family dynamics:

• Respect for Individual Choices: In many developed societies, children are encouraged to make their own decisions, and parents act as guides rather than enforcers.

• Equal Partnerships in Marriage: Marriages are based on mutual respect, with shared responsibilities and decision-making.

• Open Conversations on Mental Health: Therapy, counselling, and emotional well-being are prioritised, reducing the stigma around seeking help.

• Legal and Social Safety Nets: Governments and organisations provide support for victims of domestic abuse, ensuring they are not forced to suffer in silence.

India can learn from these approaches to create healthier family environments without losing cultural values.

8. The Way Forward: Breaking the Cycle of Suffering

Change starts with awareness and action. Here’s what individuals and society can do:

Encourage Open Conversations: Talk about family issues without fear of judgement. The more we normalise these discussions, the easier it becomes to break the cycle.

Challenge Toxic Norms: Respect is important, but not at the cost of personal well-being. Question and challenge practices that promote suffering.

Promote Financial & Emotional Independence: Encourage financial education, career growth, and self-sufficiency, especially for women and young adults.

Seek Support & Therapy: Mental health professionals can help individuals navigate family struggles. Normalising therapy is crucial.

Advocate for Legal Protection & Awareness: Strengthen legal frameworks to protect individuals from abuse and ensure that laws are effectively enforced.

Conclusion: A Culture of Growth, Not Suffering

India is a country rich in history, tradition, and familial love. But true family values should empower, not oppress. The normalisation of suffering within families needs to end. By fostering mutual respect, emotional intelligence, and individual freedom, we can create healthier, happier family environments for future generations.

The question is: Are we ready to break the silence?